Yes! You too can be a therapist!

So you want to absorb overinflating health care premiums? You want to get paid for listening to people? You don't have time to learn different strategies for helping your patients? Well you've come to the right place. Here are three sentences you need to know

"How do you think this relates to your parents?"

The time tested and battle proven "How does that make you feel?"

And the occassional "Well you did that to yourself...because of what you went through during child hood"

The best part about the last one is that no one can ever argue. No one had a perfect childhood, and if you talk about any bodies for a few minutes they can come up with something. You can just bring that one up over and over again whenever you fail to steer your patient towards any growth or solutions. Especially right after he notices that you are falling asleep during his session.

You don't believe me, but the truth is, a parrot could do it. Shiiiiit, one of those magic 8 balls could probably get it done and thats an inanimate object. And if you can keep a straight face while you cycle through these questions you, yes you can get some of this money too.

Now there are people out there who may say that this isn't the way therapy is supposed to work. People who think you actually have to learn about the person for more than 2 weeks before you start summing up the mental collateral damage from their chemical imbalance and chalking it all up to the parenting choices of their mother and father. Some may think you actually have to be conscious during the session, even if you aren't called out on it. Well for those people I coliver would ask them this question. Do you accept the hip prime HMO health care?

Now some of you may disagree