10 years from now...

Thank you for Inviting me to the 10th annual meeting of the Take Competion Out of Drinking Association (TCODA). You may not know this, but Ten years ago this Friday was one of the worst days in the history of Competitive Drinking games. On that fateful Friday I began a round of the highly competitive Drinking Game, Edward 40-Hands, Named so because it requires you duct-tape 40 oz. bottles of malt liquor to hour hands in such a way that the beer actually resemble hands. Yes, Yes, I know, it is outrageous, preposterous, even, dare I say Ludicrous. Even more ludicrous...this game was part of a 10 event drinking decathalon which would determine which rooms my roommates and I would live in come fall. Partly because of a lack of funds, (and partly because of bad luck), I wound up with two bottles of Steel Reserve taped to my hands...Steel Reserve! The kind of Malt Liquor that is 8.1% alcohol, The kind of Malt Liqour that is cheaper than St. Ides, The kind of Malt Liquor that was shown to produce blindness in cats as recently as two years ago. The Kind of Malt Liqour that makes a Competive Drinking Game Dangerous. I plowed through my forties faster than any of my friends, only to wake up the following morning on someones couch with pictures of me passed out...In a Bath Tub! Next to a trash can filled with my own vomit. I woke up with my morning that I should never drink like that again IN FACT NO ONE should drink like that again. Two weeks later TCODA was formed by Steve, Kunal, and I once our power-hour turned century club resulted in our drinking shots of beer for 3 days straight and 3 liver transplants for all of us. With that behind us it is time I bring our keynote speaker Rob, whose learned his lesson about competitive drinking after his guinness record breaking attempt to play beer pong with 34 oz mugs of haffenreffer private stock, combined with a horrible shooting day, has left him never ending flatulence and corroded stomach. Please give him a round of applause for his courage....